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White Pine Sheriff's Calls

Your calls to the law, retold for people who love a good story. Like a countywide game of telephone.

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August 16, 2013
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August 16, 2013

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 16, 2023September 17, 2023

Jimmy ‘n Grab: Right here, smack dab in the heart of Ely, someone’s got the guts to jimmy a ride and snatch what ain’t theirs. Our ever-watchful Deputy’s boots hit […]

August 15, 2013
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August 15, 2013

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 15, 2023September 17, 2023

Barela’s Boozy Cruise: Out in Ely, Dekoda J. Barela, 25, tried to outpace the rules of the road. The result? A pair of shiny handcuffs for driving sauced and flaunting […]

August 14, 2023
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August 14, 2023

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 14, 2023September 17, 2023

The Unblackened Eye: Lone soul at a convenience store, face adorned with a black eye. Deputy swings by—check, welfare check. Lo and behold, the wounded one says, “I’m just fine, […]

August 13, 2023
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August 13, 2023

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 13, 2023September 17, 2023

Homestead Heist: An intruder in the middle of god-knows-where White Pine, pocketing some poor soul’s keepsakes. The Deputy’s on it, eyes sharp, pen sharper. Report locked and loaded. Echo of […]

August 12, 2023
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August 12, 2023

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 12, 2023September 17, 2023

Sidewalk Symphony: Two souls, strolling and squawking, turning the neighborhood into their vocal stage. Deputy sways in, ears tuned, but the duet had already disbanded. A report? Just a quiet […]

August 11, 2023
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August 11, 2023

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 11, 2023September 17, 2023

Egged Ego: Streets of White Pine witnessed a primeval act, the slinging of eggs, transforming vehicles into sad, dripping canvases of rebellion. Trusty surveillance, though, might have caught the vandals […]

August 10, 2023
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August 10, 2023

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 10, 2023September 17, 2023

The Juvenile Escapade: Teenage adrenaline spiked with bootlegged booze and a rumble echoed through the canyons. A scene right out of an after-school special gone rogue. Caught in the act, […]

August 9, 2023
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August 9, 2023

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 9, 2023September 17, 2023

The Disappearing Act: For a full fortnight, not a whisper or sign of an employee. Yet, in Ely’s maze of souls, sometimes they’re just caught in a different web. Our […]

August 8, 2023
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August 8, 2023

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 8, 2023September 18, 2023

The Trailer Oddity: A day of small town banality was momentarily interrupted by the backward crawl of a curious trailer. The man behind it had that edgy twitch, the aura […]

August 7, 2023
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August 7, 2023

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 7, 2023September 18, 2023

Sudden Serenade: Ah, the rustic stage set right outside a business. One individual found their voice and couldn’t contain it. Shout, sing, yell—it’s the city’s echo chamber. Deputy arrived, ear […]

August 6, 2023
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August 6, 2023

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 6, 2023September 18, 2023

Drive-by Threats: In a city teeming with modern wildlings, a vehicular posse rolled around, lobbing threats like it’s the wild west. But the sheriff’s deputy wasn’t having any of it. […]

August 5, 2023
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August 5, 2023

by: Ely EarlenePosted on: August 5, 2023September 18, 2023

The Prodigal Drunk: At a bar where the whiskey flows like gossip, one patron dug in his heels and refused to scram. But the owner, that bastion of liquid civility, […]

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This website is a parody. All content is satire and is not meant to bear resemblance to real events, people, or places. We are not affiliated in any way with the White Pine County Sheriff's Office, or anybody else, for that matter. Some rights reserved, but we won't tell you which ones.